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Saturday, November 18, 2006
There is a new Hindi movie out -- "Vivaah" which means crap in Urdu. The band of Barjatya brothas again try to nauseate you with sugar until you start crying and eventually start puking. When Minnesota lost to Penn State last year and had negative rushing yards, coach Glen Mason of Minn said this "We live by the run.. and die by it". Why I am bringing up a random football analogy is due to the insignificant Mich-OSU game today ( THIS IS NOT THE REASON WHY I AM AWAKE AT 7 IN THE MORNING). Now that we've got this cleared..
Similarly Vivaah tries to woo the audience with its opulent music just like its prequel "Hum Aapke Hain Kyun"( which translates to "shitload of crap" in Urdu). And it comes up short by a lightyear.
HAHK was a music album with intermittent dialogues. This is the first ever instance of recursion in Hindi music in which every song had an interlude which was a mix of all the other songs in the movie. For example, "Mayanu Mayan" had a "Didi tera dewar deewana" interlude and vice versa. You feel at home.. every song. The music was composed by the legendary Kalyanji Anandji even though it was by a single person Kalyan. The problem is most of the Bollywood music directors are schizos and give credit to their schizo avatars. ( Shravan's killer psycho terrorist schizo was Nadeem. Laxmikant's loving schizo was called Pyarelal. Bappi Lahiri never had a schizo because he amounted to two people)
So since Vivaah = HAHK - Music + SPB not singing in Hindi, you'd expect it be a flop. But it might actually be a hit because the director knows about the freaking people who'll make it a hit .. more than me. Otherwise, why would I be writing a post about Vivaah, while he's spending quality time with the latest item number.
The story is about the kids of Salman and Johny Lever in HAHK and how the kids end up doing a Luke-Leia. The Luke part is played by Shahid Kapur, who still evokes "oohs" and "aahs" from his female fans. He's a living proof that steroids-intake doesn't affect the face which explains the disconnect between his face and his muskles. But sonny, doesn't Karriena notice the apparent shrinkage of your balls due to steroids? Soon you'd be called "Pimple-balled-brownie" and eventually "Ek-ball". The Leia part is not played by Karrieeaana but I want to write about her. Shahid and Karrrrina's smooch was the most unromantic, unsexy MMS video I have ever seen. It's like watching Shahid snogging a horse which is drugged and is sticking out its tongue. It 'eeked' me out. Add Preity Zinta to the list of totally-unsexy celebrities.
The Leia part is played by Amrita Rao. The whole story is about a guy from a city getting arranged marriage to a girl from the village and how he becomes a traveller and she becomes a air-hostess. This movie elicited so much joy, so much happiness in people's life that they started a bloodbath riot after the movie just to average their emotions out and make their lives more interesting.
Verdict:
It's a definite Yes movie, if you are the one who has been having a "Odishon"-like torture throughout your life. This movie will balance that out, and you'll emerge as a peaceloving, funloving, high-thinking dude like me.